“It was a crisis moment for all of us, and not just me.” That is how writer-director Fiona Roan Feng-i (阮鳳儀) remembers 2003, when she was uprooted from the US as a 13-year-old after her mother was diagnosed with cancer and brought back to Taiwan, where she had lived as a young child.
It was a turbulent time in Roan’s life, but one that would later shape her debut feature film American Girl, (美國女孩) which earned her the Best New Director award at the Golden Horse Awards.
The film went on to gross more than NT$10 million (US$356,875) at the box office and is to be available on Netflix this month.
Photo: Hu Shun-hsiang, Taipei Times
Roan in an interview explained why she drew on that period in her life to make the film, the process of putting it on the big screen and how it helped her see her family in a more objective light.
She said going the autobiographical route was a natural starting point for her, a decision she ascribed to her belief that storytelling depends on creating characters and understanding what makes them tick.
The most convenient character study for her was herself, she said, but as a creator she still had to figure out who she was and think about “how did I become what I have become and how has my backstory contributed to that.”
When Roan looked back on her own life, it became evident that 2003 was a turning point and a kind of “origin story” for her family, she said.
Having to confront reverse culture shock and her mother’s experience with cancer shaped her as a person, she said.
The events, which she described as “a crisis moment for all of us,” had a lasting impact on her family’s dynamics that still lingers to this day, Roan said.
In the film, each family member struggles to adapt to their new lives. The children try to adjust to the strict Taiwanese school system and make friends while being singled out as “Americans,” while their parents adjust to living together again and dealing with the family’s finances.
The film’s protagonist, Fen, clashes repeatedly with her mother, Lily, about her wish to return to the US. Looming over them is the possibility of Lily’s death, crystallized in a scene where Fen’s sister asks her in tears: “Is mommy going to die?”
However, there are happy moments, too, like the two sisters dyeing their father’s hair in the living room of their apartment — “Why is it the color of poo?” he asks to the girls’ delight — and bonding with their mother over ice cream sundaes — “Order whatever you’d like” she says when they excitedly read through the menu.
Yet, looking back on that period, “the happy moments felt very brief and the unhappy moments felt very long,” Roan said. “It was really, as one of my producers put it, like a sea of sadness.”
Roan said that she discovered the joyful moments when she was writing, and realized how much these moments “helped us carry on for another few days,” however brief they seemed.
As the film is based on her personal experiences, Roan focused first on the details and let the main themes build themselves naturally.
The dramatic theme that emerged is how the crises the family faced brought them closer, and the emotional theme is how confusing, messy and difficult love can be, especially between mothers and daughters who are so alike, Roan said.
“It is love that makes the relationship so difficult, and what makes it confusing. It is not hate. It is because we care so much and there is so much at stake,” she said.
In early drafts of the script, the film was told from Roan’s point of view as Fen, but she later decided to emphasize the perspectives of each family member.
Through the process, in which she had to see things from each character’s point of view objectively, Roan needed to remain neutral, creating some distance that enabled her to see her family with “a little bit more clarity.”
In turn, her relationship with her family has shifted, although it did not change overnight.
“It’s like putting a mirror in front of all of us... They are a little bit more self-aware,” she said.
Roan said that what she captured in the film is just one version of her family’s truth and just one moment in their lives, adding that the film served as a “time capsule.”
There is a sense of relief now that the memory no longer belongs only to them, but is instead shared by and safe with other people, she said. “I think that’s quite a unique experience.”
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