Most people believe that it is “unfilial” to send their elderly family members to a nursing home, or that it is a form of abandonment. Some believe it denies elderly people the ability to experience the domestic bliss of a leisurely old age. Some even say that sending a family member to a nursing home is the equivalent of forcing them to sit around and wait for the end.
However, after a deep discussion with his family at the age of 79, the father of one of my friends chose a different approach. He completely subverted expectations by choosing the nursing home system.
My friend’s father moved into a home rather than live with his children because he believed that they should have a life of their own. They could not and should not spend every day by his side caring for him. He did not want them to spend the best and most important time of their lives shackled by the last few years of his.
He had also seen news reports saying that aside from the pressure of shouldering care responsibilities, many children also grow exhausted from having to endure emotional blackmail from their parents and moral grandstanding to pressure them into doing what they ask.
My friend said that since moving into the home, his father no longer has to wait painfully for his children to finish their workday or his grandchildren to get out of school. He can avoid spending all day at home with absolutely nothing to do. Instead, he is guided by the nursing home schedule — he works on handmade art projects, exercises and gardens. He even made a group of friends his age who he interacts with every day. The daily activities and interpersonal relationships have allowed him to rediscover his happiness and self-esteem.
His father said that he does not regret his decision to move into the home whatsoever.
If he had to point out one flaw in his otherwise perfect situation, he said it was that he should have taken the nursing home’s location into consideration before moving. If he lived in a home that was a bit closer, it would be an easier commute for his family, who visit him often.
Who said that nursing homes are not for healthy people and only allow elderly people who absolutely need care? In reality, many people are beginning to accept the idea of nursing homes. Not only do they provide specialized care, but their professional facilities and staff are of much higher quality than anything that can be provided at home.
A change of ideas and a shift in mentality can open a door to an entirely new world. My friend’s father broke the long-standing stereotype that elderly people reject nursing homes. Not only did he give himself a wonderful time in his old age, he also reversed my negative impressions of getting old.
Dino Wei works in the information technology industry.
Translated by Kyra Gustavsen
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