Actor Tony Leung (梁朝偉) said something touching in an interview published in the November issue of Vogue and in United Daily News on Nov. 1. He said that when he was at the lowest point in his career, where he felt like he had no way to break through, he realized that he “couldn’t rely solely on his own knowledge and talent.” If not for the help of some mentors, he would probably have become depressed, like the melancholic characters that he often portrays.
At many stages in life we need help from others because we may deviate from the right path toward an unbalanced way of life.
In her report on girls’ public school education published more than a century ago, British writer and psychoanalyst Marion Milner said that traditional education only values intellect, which only amounts to half of people’s relationship with the world; if logic and rationality are separated from emotions, it would not be possible to live a meaningfull life.
Our society has largely transformed from an “onion model” family structure, where a support network of relatives is available in the household, to a slim-shaped structure, which encompasses only two generations.
In the past, when youngsters were worried, they might turn to the relatives around them to talk, or move freely among different arenas of life; they also have the opportunity to wander in their own thoughts and fantasies.
Today, all children’s activities are under the eyes of their parents, and their value system about the future is uniform, under which the development and expression of children’s individual abilities are ignored or cruelly deprived.
In their 1983 book, The War Over the Family: Capturing the Middle Ground, Brigitte and Peter Berger predicted that such families would provide little support and would need help from experts.
I remember once when my son was young, something was troubling him, and he went directly to talk to a lady he trusted in the community, instead of turning to his own mother. I was shocked at first, but then I was happy for him — I thought how wonderful it was that a child could look for resources themselves to find help.
It is said that the mind of a youngster is closest to the mind of our ancient ancestors, containing much of the collective unconscious wisdom that we do not understand.
Facing a world that they are not quite familiar with, children have very vivid hearts and emotions. They are delicate, sensitive, in pain, and in doubt. They also want to be loved by their parents, but they do not all know how to do it.
Many years ago, a troubled mother came to me for help. With her daughter in middle school playing video games day and night, she was angry and anxious, and her drawing during art therapy showed teeth and claws. It is not easy for her daughter to change, and it is not easy for the mother to quickly accept and get along with the daughter.
Another case was a depressed and suffering mother whose son was a middle-school student, glued to his phone. Through drawings, the mother unexpectedly saw that her lack of love in childhood might have impacted her son.
A father came for counseling for his frustration at having to deal with troubles caused by his son with a learning disability. Through consultations, he was able to see his son’s special abilities
And then, there was a mother who came along with her high-school son, who was extremely fed up with his life, to experience art therapy. No words were needed, we went straight to art creation and let it speak for itself.
We used paste and various poster paints, smearing them on color paper using our palms and then we hung up the paintings. We looked at them closely with an open heart, seeing what those randomly created works were telling us — there it was — a piece full of vitality showed that this child actually had a powerful inner strength, that was only blocked by the values of a biased society.
“Being an upright person is not about meeting others’ expectations,” Leung said. “In the end, you still have to face yourself.”
Let your children receive psychotherapy so that they will not be alone in difficult times. A healthy inner self is the key to being able to face yourself and creating your own future.
Wang Hsiu-jung is a retired associate professor from Tunghai University’s Department of Social Work, and a registered art therapist of the Taiwan Art Therapy Association.
Translated by Lin Lee-kai
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