The publication of photographs of Democratic Progressive Party Legislator Kao Chia-yu’s (高嘉瑜) badly bruised face after she was allegedly abused by her then-boyfriend Raphael Lin (林秉樞) has caused an uproar in Taiwan, making the subject of abusive partners once again a hot topic.
How can people avoid domestic violence? How can they protect themselves from getting trapped in such a predicament?
Abusive partners might be recognized by their behavior:
First, passive-aggressive traits. On the surface, such people are cooperative and attentive, but inside, they are aggressive. When things do not go as expected, they start behaving aggressively.
Second, antisocial traits. Such people can appear to be calm and courteous, but they act impulsively, do not care about other people’s feelings, and have no sense of morality or guilt, as well as no respect for the law.
Third, histrionic or narcissistic traits. Such people seem to be emotional, but in fact want to be the center of attention.
When people with these characteristics — especially those with antisocial personality traits and poor impulse control — are “triggered,” they might be unable to control their emotions and behavior. They might suddenly fly into a rage and attack their cohabitant or spouse.
The most serious situation is when they also have low frustration tolerance. Once people marry such a person or start living with them, they might be repeatedly and severely attacked and abused. The closer the relationship, the more likely they are to become a target of attack.
It makes it hard for a victim to escape from the clutches of an abusive relationship when their partner first attacks, abuses and threatens, but later apologizes with sweet words and begs that the victim stay.
If people discover that the person they are dating is not good at controlling their emotions, acts impulsively, has low frustration tolerance, and acts angrily and aggressively, they should quickly and quietly cut off the relationship.
There is no room for compromise, and people should never be softhearted and give their abusive partner a chance to turn over a new leaf. If need be, people should ask friends and relatives to help protect them from harassment. If more action is required, they should call the police.
Wang Sou-jane is founding president of the Association of Taiwan Clinical Psychology.
Translated by Julian Clegg
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