It’s a commonplace excuse for professional athletes when they lose.
“Just a bad day at the office,” they’ll tell interviewers.
But now Chelsea midfielder Michael Essien has taken the office metaphor a step further, misguidedly seeing the office as a symbol of professionalism and diligence.
“The pitch is like my office,” he told the London Evening Standard newspaper. “And when you’re in the office you don’t mess around, you mean business.”
How little you know of the world, Michael. For this is how Saturday afternoon would unfold if you really did treat the pitch like an office:
3:05pm — Arrive at game and run on to pitch. Tell the referee: “I’m late because this fat bloke with terrible BO kept blocking the subway train doors at Earl’s Court station, and the train was held there.”
3:06pm — Pop out of the stadium for 10 minutes to get a cup of coffee. Bump into attractive girl from the ticket office and chat with her about last night’s TV before heading back.
3:17pm — Return to pitch. Get on the mobile and call plumber. Those kitchen taps won’t fix themselves.
3:19pm — Have long chat with fellow central midfielder about which animal, pound for pound, is the hardest in the world. He reckons the jaguar; I say it must be a member of the weasel family. Nutters, weasels are.
3:32pm — Boss looks a bit antsy in the dugout. Better keep him happy. Play 10 minutes of soccer.
3:42pm — It’s half-time in three minutes: may as well knock off a little bit early.
4:10pm — Sorry! We went down the pub for a quick one — didn’t realize the game had restarted.
4:13pm — Shouldn’t have had those three pints at half-time. Desperate for a slash. Back to the dressing room to pick up a copy of Nuts. Take it to the bog.
4:29pm — Who knew there was that much to read in Nuts? Right. Back to action. One last push to impress the gaffer: 10 minutes of solid effort.
4:34pm — Well, it was meant to be 10 minutes of solid effort. But then someone sent me this hilarious link, so I had to show the lads on my iPhone. Brilliant.
4:39pm — All right. Six more minutes of solid effort. Promise I won’t be distracted.
4:40pm — The boss substitutes me.
Taiwan’s Hsieh Su-wei and partner Jelena Ostapenko of Latvia yesterday advanced to the women’s doubles final at the Australian Open after defeating New Zealand’s Erin Routliffe and Gabriela Dabrowski of Canada 7-6 (7/3), 3-6, 6-3 in their semi-final. Hsieh has won nine Grand Slam doubles titles and has a shot at a 10th tomorrow, when the Latvian-Taiwanese duo are to play Taylor Townsend of the US and Katerina Siniakova of the Czech Republic in the championship match at the A$96.5 million (US$61 million) outdoor hard court tournament at Melbourne Park. Townsend and Siniakova eliminated Russian pair Diana Shnaider and Mirra Andreeva 6-7
The San Francisco Giants signed 18-year-old Taiwanese pitcher Yang Nien-hsi (陽念希) to a contract worth a total of US$500,000 (NT $16.39 million). At a press event in Taipei on Wednesday, Jan. 22, the Giants’ Pacific Rim Area scout Evan Hsueh (薛奕煌) presented Yang with a Giants jersey to celebrate the signing. The deal consisted of a contract worth US$450,000 plus a US$50,000 scholarship bonus. Yang, who stands at 188 centimeters tall and weighs 85 kilograms, is of Indigenous Amis descent. With his fastest pitch clocking in at 150 kilometers per hour, Yang had been on Hsueh’s radar since playing in the HuaNan Cup
FINAL WEEK LOOMS: PSG rose to 22nd place to set up another tense challenge against 24th-placed Stuttgart, while Man City require victory against Club Brugge Manchester City are on the brink of a humiliating UEFA Champions League exit after a stunning loss to Paris Saint-Germain on Wednesday, while Real Madrid is no longer at risk after routing Salzburg. Man City blew a two-goal lead in a high-stakes clash of super-wealthy underachievers that PSG won 4-2 in Paris, who could still be eliminated alongside the English champions after the final round of games next week. Only the top 24 in the 36-team standings are to advance. Man City, the 2023 champions, are in 25th place, but could squeeze into the knockout playoffs round by beating Club Brugge. “We will
Things are somewhat out of control at the Australian Open this year, and that has only a little to do with the results on the courts. Yes, there were some upsets, including Madison Keys eliminating No. 2 Iga Swiatek in the women’s singles semi-finals on Thursday. It also was the first time since 1990 that three teenagers beat top-10 men’s seeds at a Grand Slam tennis tournament. The loser of one of those matches, Daniil Medvedev, got fined US$76,000 for behaving badly. Last year’s women’s singles runner-up exited in the first round. However, the real fuss is happening elsewhere. The rowdy fans, for one
RSS