Has anyone else noticed how, since becoming president, Marky Mark Ma Ying-jeou (馬英九) has slowly turned into a recluse, or what we in Taiwan call a zhainan (宅男)?
With the exception of his recent campaigning trips ahead of next month’s elections, Ma very rarely ventures outside of the presidential palace these days, and not even into the gardens. Then again, he’s not exactly going to be holding any backyard swingers parties now that residents of the I Pin building (一品苑) have a bird’s eye view.
All this, you’ll remember, is quite a contrast to the 2007 pre-election Ma, as back then it seemed you couldn’t walk past a paddy field in Yunlin or an orchard in Taitung without bumping into straw-hat clad “Happy Farmer” Ma and his long-stay flunkies.
What is behind this strange transformation, I hear you ask?
Well, since doing research for the article on Happy Farm the other week I freely, if nervously, admit I’ve become hooked on social networking sites. Facebook, Bebo, Twitter, Plurk … I’m on them all.
In fact, I’m writing this week’s column from my apartment as I haven’t been out of the house for nigh on three weeks. Instead, I’ve been stuck indoors tweeting with the “Twitterati” while sustaining my substantial girth on Ah Q instant noodles (US ground beef flavor) and Yakult yogurt drinks (only the authentic stuff though, mind you; none of those imitation, additive-laced, chemical cocktails you get free with a NT$50 biandang for me).
Anyway, the point of all this is that in between my increasingly infrequent and extremely painful trips to the little boys’ room I think I may have stumbled across the reason behind Ma’s hermitic behavior. It seems that Ma, like myself and “Dr-No-Campaign” Frank Hsieh (謝長廷), has become a fully fledged Webmong.
Best of all, I believe I’ve discovered El Presidente’s very own Twitter feed, something which, if it turns out to be the real deal, could shed rare sunlight on the murky goings-on within the central government.
Don’t believe me? Well, take a look at some of these conversations and even the most skeptical of you will have to admit the comments are just too coincidental to pass off as fake. (I presume Ma chose to Twitter in English instead of Plurking in Chinese to avoid being rumbled by alert bentu (本土) Web users. The latest in a series of monumental presidential miscalculations.)
For example, check out this series of tweets that took place over a week beginning on Oct. 23, one day before the announcement of a relaxation on restrictions on US beef imports.
Campusspook is clearly Ma’s Twitter name, while I’m guessing Cuchicoo is the handle of National Security Council Secretary-General Su Chi (蘇起).
(Johnny’s Twitter novice note: Using the @ symbol means you are addressing a message directly to another user.)
Campusspook: Yes! @Cuchicoo deserves pat on the back. Finally satisfied Uncle S’ demands on his rancid meat. T-bones all round! Proles will be psyched.
Campusspook: What’s all the fuss about? As “Grease stain” said, it’s no more dangerous than riding the old Kymco.
Campusspook: @AITBill. Many apologies. Didn’t realize you were a fellow tweeter. It’s just a pet name, you understand. No offense. J
Campusspook: @Cuchicoo. Keep calm. Won’t let you take fall for this. I’ll find a “healthier” scapegoat, if you know what I mean.
Or what about this sequence following news that a Taitung restaurateur tried unsuccessfully to hawk Ma’s leftover chicken bones on an Internet auction site?
Campusspook: Waaah! Nobody (including CC) wants my bones any more. Am I really that unpopular? @Cuchicoo, your advice appreciated.
Campusspook: One week and still no takers ….. Should I make an offer to save face?
Campusspook: @Cuchicoo. Thanks for saving my skin, literally. Will pay you back the NT$1,000 and dispose of carcass. LOL.
Then came this recent barrage, which I presume is an exchange about party affairs, including a certain troublesome lawmaker and the upcoming elections and gangster allegations made against Premier Wu Den-yih (吳敦義), aka Gravelman.
Campusspook: @Gravelman. Concerned about Dec. Any ideas?
Gravelman: @Campusspook. Mention “Treasure Island” more in your speeches. Worked last time, gullible bastards!! LOL.
Campusspook: @Gravelman. Can Bali hurt you? Sort it, quickly. Another change of furniture and people will start comparing me to CSB.
Gravelman: @Campusspook. Nothing I can’t handle, just the green goblins up to their usual tricks. Going stumping on Sat, wanna come?
Campusspook: @Gravelman. OK, just make sure the stage is clear of bad eggs, if you know what I mean. Chou doufu’s on you!
Gravelman: @Campusspook. My pleasure. BTW, need any help with muzzling LSL? Needs taking down.
Campusspook: @Gravelman. Being taken care of. That particular Soong Dynasty relic will be taken care of soon. LOL.
The following conversation meanwhile was posted before artist Lin Guo-wu (林國武) was arrested last week for an erotic drawing he made of Ma and US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.
Campusspook: @Cuchicoo. What’s this about a risque pic of me and Mad Sec? What’s it like? Who did it? Is he a goblin?
Cuchicoo: @Campusspook. You and Mad Sec are “intimately entwined.” Offender is neutral and a loser by all accounts.
Campusspook: @Cuchicoo. How many people know about it? More importantly, how do my moobs look?
Cuchicoo: @Campusspook. You look buff and are on top. Only problem is Mad Sec’s tool is bigger than yours and she is doing the shafting. Advice?
Campusspook: @Cuchicoo. Teach the b*****d a lesson, could do without another bout of sex pref rumors. No more candy for me.
The following conversation meanwhile would seem to be about the government’s economic cooperation framework agreement (ECFA) strategy.
Campusspook: @Gravelman. Should we take this any further for now? Pop too low and goblins threatening renaissance. Advice?
Gravelman: @Campusspook. Got it covered. Will pretend to apply brakes, throw Leg Yu a bone, only to speed up in Jan. Greens have taken beef bait. LOL.
Campusspook: @Gravelman. Masterful work. Christmas has come early. Reminds me why I canned your predecessor.
Hu’syourdaddy: @Campusspook. Don’t be forgetting your commitment to mo’land. Time is of the essence, remember what we agreed?
Campusspook: @Hu’syourdaddy: Things are different over here. Need to play to the crowd. Have patience and all will be yours.
However, the messages dried up and the Twitter feed disappeared earlier this week shortly after this short exchange.
Cuchicoo: @Campusspook. We may have to stop this. Intel advises me lots of interest from Neihu area. Will investigate.
Campusspook: @Cuchicoo. Roger. Why don’t we discuss this in your office? You’re only in the next room, after all.
Not sure what went wrong, but I’ll keep you informed in subsequent columns if I’m still around. Gotta dash, removal company has just arrived.
Got something to tell Johnny? Get it off your chest: Write to dearjohnny@taipeitimes.com, but put “Dear Johnny” in the subject line or he’ll mark your bouquets and brickbats as spam.
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