Sat, Sep 12, 2009 page8

• JOHNNY NEIHU'S NEWS WATCH: UCB boffins: Lend Lien your ears

  • By Johnny Neihu 強尼內湖
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  Those of you expecting a missile strike on the new “soft power” Cabinet courtesy of yours truly will have to wait, though I do confess to loitering around the Executive Yuan in the last few days collecting gossip and rummaging through trash cans, the latter mostly for “high-class biandang” leftovers for my mutt Punkspleen.

  But I did strike gold. Passing the Ministry of Foreign Affairs one evening after a long day’s investigative voyeurism, a smelly little blue truck whooshed out from the ministry’s driveway and lost some of its load as it took a bend.

  It was mostly boxes of shredded documents, but two items managed to survive that indignity: (1) a box of complimentary 2009 diaries with junked foreign minister Francisco Ou (歐鴻鍊) grinning on the cover, and (2) a draft speech by honorary KMT thingamajiggy Lien Chan (連戰) for this Thursday at University of California, Berkeley’s Institute of East Asian Studies.

  The latter is an interesting read, though I can’t say how much of it will be in the final version. You’ll have to attend to find out.

  “Sixty Years of Cross-Straits Relations: From Conflict to Conciliation.”

  By Former Vice President and Kuomintang Chairman Emeritus Dr Lien Chan

  [DRAFT]

  Madame Director and Professor Wen-hsin Yeh (葉文心), Chair and Professor Andrew Jones, members of the executive committee, faculty members, esteemed conference paper presenters, students, ladies and gentlemen:

  It is a tremendous honor to deliver the keynote address at this august institution. Having had to attend to matters of state among other responsibilities over the decades, it has been some time since I have worked exclusively in an academic setting. But I am always delighted to have the chance to return to an environment in which formidable knowledge, eloquence and taste are the rule, not the exception.

  Let me start with an anecdote. Recently my wife and I were privileged to attend the opening ceremony of the 21st Deaflympics in Taipei in the company of the President of the Republic of China, the Speaker of the Legislative Yuan, the Mayor of Taipei, the Chairman of the People First Party and other dignitaries.

  It was an entertaining and moving spectacle. People from all over the world watched as young people from all over Greater Taipei danced and sang in performances that welcomed our auditorially challenged friends of a sporting persuasion.

  I was particularly moved by the performance of a dance troupe from China, all of whom I understand are a bit hard of hearing, but who nonetheless dazzled us with a display of hand and arm coordination in brilliant yellow that made it seem as if the thousand-armed Bodhisattva Guanyin herself had arrived to bless us and our athletic enterprise.

  At one point, Mr Jet Li (李連杰) offered a prayer for the victims of a spate of weather that I understand caused us some problems a few weeks ago, and he was joined by four swarthy young gentlemen who belong to our indigenous communities down there. What fine speaking voices they had! What strapping physiques! If they hadn’t been clambering through forest to help their fellow mountain compatriots reach civilisation after a few bridges were downed, I’m sure they would have served as splendid competitors in the Games. And if they’d been deaf.

  But seeing Mr Li, that most splendid actor and philanthropist from the Mainland, express such heartfelt concern for those of lesser means and worse luck in the remotest part of Taiwan’s hinterland, got me thinking.

  Was this not like China calling out to us across the Strait, expressing her concern for our welfare at a time of national schism, only to find that we were deaf to her entreaties?

  Must compatriots on either side of the Strait settle for diplomatic sign language to communicate what is uppermost in our minds and deepest in our hearts?

  Does not the lingering presence of independence fantasists in Taiwan point to a “deaf culture” that needs to be taught how to properly communicate and cross-pollinate with our compatriots?

  And, perhaps most importantly, what can be done to restore trust and mutual respect with our Mainland brothers and sisters when so many, too many, of my fellows in Taiwan are, historically and ideologically speaking, not just hearing-impaired but plain deaf and dumb?

  Most of you, I’m sure, have read my humble publication from a few years back called Heading for the 21st Century. In that tome I expressed much optimism for the future. Now, despite eight years of a disgraced and disgraceful DPP [Democratic Progressive Party] president and the wasteland that our country temporarily became, I retain that optimism.

  We Chinese have a saying: “Blood is thicker than water, and Chinese blood is thicker than everyone else’s blood.” I think that’s how it goes. What this means — and this is steeped in thousands of years of suffering and success — is that no matter what falsehoods and fictions are heaped on China’s body politic, Chinese will always reunite against the most fearful of odds and defeat their foes. This is why Taiwan has nothing to fear from China: Blood mixes with blood, or, in the case of Chinese blood, thicker blood mixes with thicker blood. As long as Taiwan’s blood is kept in a thicker state, then it will mix freely across the salty waters of the Taiwan Strait.

  I have traveled to the Mainland many times in the last few years, mostly in my capacity as Chairman Emeritus of the Kuomintang, and I am convinced that after decades of suspicion and instability, the time has come for people in Taiwan to embrace their fellows across the way. Cultural Revolutions, mass campaigns and sparrow hunts are a thing of the past, and problems with national minorities are quite overblown. If China were as unreasonable and as rigid as some mischievous DPP people say, then the Bodhisattvas in the opening ceremony would have been wearing red, not yellow, would they not?

  When I saw those delightful children on stage at my old elementary school in Xi’an welcoming me back to my home town — singing such meticulously crafted lyrics and verse, moving in unison with such transcendent choreography — I sensed a love for estranged family and recognition of high achievement that would not fail to move any person of means. You could say that welcoming Grandpa Lien back to his old school was a microcosmic predecessor of the wonderful day when China and Taiwan will be one and at peace.

  I am convinced that the diversity of China and the hard work of our people will appeal to progressive voices in Taiwan. All that is required is contact and understanding. Misunderstanding results from failing to understand that all that is glorious in Taiwan’s vibrant democracy derives from the growth and flowering of things with Chinese cultural roots.

  That is why I found the sequences involving the preparation of cuisine in the opening ceremony to be so vivid: They may be signature “Taiwan dishes,” but the ingredients, the culinary ingenuity, the coming together and fusion of meat and vegetable and noodle and pig’s blood and broth, not to mention fish balls — all of this is, at its core, Chinese.

  I’m sure my esteemed colleagues in this room are aware that my family has been in Taiwan for generations. You could say we are nobility, if I may be so bold. My grandfather was the leading historian of his time, a man of integrity who influenced the way we understand China. My father was a first-class public servant and reformer and a confidant of the most powerful and respectable men in all the Republic. And I’m proud that my son, recently back from a stint with those fine Eisenhower Fellowships people, is continuing the family tradition of intellectual excellence, professional achievement and taking the most beautiful and sophisticated ladies in the nation as our wives.

  I raise this personal material simply to say that I am a Taiwanese and a Chinese. The two are inseparable concepts, as they are inseparable societies. We have overcome a grievous era of conflict and misuse of foreign ideologies and are poised to unite to become a strong, benevolent country that will offer a beacon of hope to the world and light the path to greater prosperity, justice and cultural magnificence.

  I’m afraid that as my schedule is very tight, I will have to decline your generous invitation to answer questions. Should you consider my opinion indispensable, please leave your enquiries and details with my secretary and I will endeavor to respond in the shortest possible time.

  Thank you and congratulations on this successful and thought-provoking conference.

  [3 GRAFS ON LOVE OF LUNCH BOXES, 2 ON MEETING WIFE 1ST TIME, 1 ON ‘JAP LOVER’ LEE CUT, CUTS APPROVED-WU, WAIT SEC-GEN APPROVAL]

  Next in the Institute’s series of distinguished Asian speakers:

  Sept. 24: Kim Jong-un: “Port, prawns and porn in Pyongyang: Successions and sex sessions in a benevolent dictatorship.”

  Oct. 1: Lee Kwan Yew: “Who wants to be a billionaire? Perpetual altruism in the governance of a modern city-state.”

  Oct. 8: Hun Sen: “Reconciliation and economic growth: A personal view.”

  Oct. 15: General Than Shwe: “Oh, Karen! (Re)learning ethnic relations.”

  I don’t know about you, dear reader, but these will all be worth the carbon footprint.

  Got something to tell Johnny? Get it off your chest: Write to dearjohnny@taipeitimes.com, but put “Dear Johnny” in the subject line or he’ll mark your bouquets and brickbats as spam.
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