Conspiracy theory limbo
Dear Johnny,
I’ve been pondering some questions unrelated to Morakot and hope you’ll be able to enlighten your eager fans:
1. Is there some connection between your namesake MRT line and the frequent breakdowns on it?
Could it be that the government is Out To Get You and everyone else living in the district?
2. Whatever happened to Cathy Pacific?
Did the two of you break up?
Surely your devoted readers should be able to vote on this — Taiwan is still a democracy, isn’t it?
PROF. JUNE TEUFEL DREYER
Department of
Political Science,
University of Miami
Johnny replies: I admit to a weakness for conspiracy theories, but in this case, alas, it would make no temporal sense. All of the mechanical and logistical problems with the Neihu Line existed long before I embarked on my current career as Mocksmith Emeritus.
What you may see, however, is my neighbors Out To Get The Mayor before it’s all over.
As for my gal Cathy, she remains in existential limbo in Taitung. We are still together, however. Lately she’s had the tape measure out in the disaster zone to see just how wide the riverbeds have become. Still, votes are welcome if readers think this will bring her back.
The mud’s on their hands
Dear Johnny,
What’s with the conspicuous absence of mud flyin’ through the air? I would’ve expected at least a peep or two from the Democratic Progressive Party on the handling of Typhoon Morakot.
They’ve been pretty quiet about the whole thing, even when foreign and domestic media had Mr Ma on the ropes.
They gonna start using this to their advantage at one point, ya think?
TREVOR JOHNSTON
Johnny replies: Well, Trevor, since I received your e-mail, the party has pulled off one of its smartest moves in years: staying reasonably quiet while grassroots officials with party links invited the Dalai Lama.
In the meantime, hacks from party central have been getting their hands dirty down south, talking to victims and helping with the clean-up. It’s called “getting closer to the people” and, Matsu save us, may augur a new respect for connectedness and feedback in the party.
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