Why is it that the more “developed” a place gets, the shittier life becomes?
It seems such a long time ago now since Taiwan was a counterfeiter’s paradise. Back then we had more pirates than Penzance and Somalia put together.
I remember those halcyon days walking my mutt Punkspleen (he was a puppy back then) down Bade Road near the old Kuanghua Market — the underground one where you would be elbowed so much you’d arrive home looking like you’d sparred with Bruce Lee (李小龍).
As I entered the market I would be accosted by half a dozen shady-looking characters offering knock-off CDs, copied software and the latest Japanese porn. You name it, they had it.
A nudge and a wink later and the tout would disappear down an alleyway to return five minutes later with a suitcase full of whatever you wanted, watching for police as he flashed you his wares. A few hundred NT for the latest Microsoft had to offer and Bob was your mother’s brother.
Those were the days.
Nowadays, of course, it’s all done from the comfort of your own bedroom. Want the latest kung fu action movie? Just click your mouse, wait a few hours and … voila!
It sort of takes the fun, and the exercise for my mutt, out of it. Come to think of it, that could be the reason why Punkspleen is so fat that he resembles a sacrificial pig these days.
This fine art of fakery culminated in 2006 when the New York Times reported how Japanese electronics giant NEC uncovered a joint Taiwanese-Chinese operation that had faked the entire company.
Now there’s an example of the best cross-strait cooperation has to offer.
But with the title “Promised Land of Piracy” now well and truly ensconced on the other side of the Strait, it looks like Taiwan’s buccaneering days are coming to an end.
Even more so after the Billboard Web site reported on Monday about the legislature’s recent passage of a controversial anti-piracy statute known internationally as the “three strikes” law.
The three strikes law forces ISPs (think Chunghwa Telecom) to send two warnings to users who are downloading dodgy stuff before cutting off their Internet connections.
The story went on to say that the government hopes it will “encourage ‘self-correction’ by users and clear up room in overburdened Taiwanese courts.”
For Matsu’s sake, can’t they leave former (alleged) embezzler-in-chief Chen Shui-bian (陳水扁) out of this?
So think twice next time you go online to download the latest Hollywood has to offer. You’ve been warned!
I don’t know about you, but one person who could do with boning up on the three strikes law is Taiwan’s very own Bronx Bomber, Wang Chien-ming (王建民), who has made the transition from champ to chump at record speed.
Wang’s form has plunged faster than a crane boom and his drastic decline has created more concern in Taiwan than the swine flu and SARS put together.
The “light of Taiwan” has been temporarily extinguished as the “Wangster” is placed on the “disabled list” and shipped off to God’s waiting room (Florida) following three of the worst opening pitching displays since “Chinese Taipei” last graced the baseball diamond.
Wang’s stats for the season read 0-3 with a 34.50 ERA (which is very bad, so my baseball-worshipping colleagues tell me).
His trademark sinker has turned into a stinker.
The excuse — er, problem — behind Wang’s shocking displays of hurling is that he has “weak abductor muscles in his hips.”
If you ask me, he never recovered from an injury last June when he tore a tendon in an interleague game running round a corner, something pitchers apparently “don’t do,” former Yankee teammate Mike Mussina said at the time.
According to a report on the New York Daily News Web site, Wang’s rehab specialist Dr Mark Lindsay will now work with him to “rehab his hips,” so in the event that he can’t hack it in the majors, he can still possibly earn a living as an Elvis impersonator. Move over, Chang Jung-kung (張榮恭).
While we’re on the subject of useless, can somebody tell me whose decision it was to trial WiMAX, the next big thing in wireless communication, on Penghu?
Installing WiMAX in Taiwan’s desolate offshore county is the equivalent of a chocolate teapot or putting an ashtray on a motorbike.
I’ve been to the Pescadores a couple of times on vacation. With no disrespect to the residents of those barren isles, it’s not the kind of place where people line up to download the latest stock stats onto their smartphones.
It they tailor the service to provide the latest figures from the squid and peanut futures indices and up-to-the-minute shipping forecasts, that might be a winner.
If you ask me, the reason they chose Penghu was so that they could use the residents as guinea pigs to test the effects of microwaves on humans.
Nobody will flinch if a few Penghu natives drop dead from frazzled brains. They can always blame it on the weather, given the intense heat and gale-force winds that whip across that place most of the year.
Finally, I was searching on Chicom propaganda central — the Xinhua Web site — for something the other day when I stumbled across this headline, dated April 30: “Jackie Chan appointed ambassador for 2010 Shanghai expo.”
Senior Chicoms were obviously very pleased with Jackie’s recent controversial comments at the Boao Forum that “Chinese need to be controlled.”
For our Jackie, it seems that for every ambassadorship He taketh away, another one arriveth.
The report quoted Jackie as saying “Like every Chinese citizen, I am looking forward to the event.”
Jackie should be looking forward to it — given the fat payoff he likely received from Shanghai’s authorities to promote it, but try telling that to the residents relocated from the Expo site, for whom the ever-generous Jackie was performing when he made the remarks.
Let’s just hope old “champion of the Chinese people” Jackie is willing to fight for the rights of the displaced residents when, as so often in the past, promised compensation for demolished homes is embezzled by corrupt local officials.
Nah, forget that. Let’s be more realistic and hope they don’t make Rush Hour 4.
Got something to tell Johnny? Get it off your chest: Write to dearjohnny@taipeitimes.com, but put “Dear Johnny” in the subject line or he’ll mark your bouquets and brickbats as spam.
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