Sat, Oct 11, 2008 page8

• Johnny Neihu's News Watch: Notes on the ‘renegade country’

  • By 強尼內湖
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  How the mighty have fallen.

  The Great Blue Hope has become the Great Blue Dud.

  Once, he was Taiwan’s Messiah, the man who would save our sorry little island from international irrelevance.

  He was the Moses who would lead us out of the bondage of parochial, “Taiwan-first” thinking, to the Land of Milk and Honey (China). He was the wise Confucian leader who, along with his team of incorruptible scholar-elite figureheads, would bring civility, class and better hair products to the presidency.

  Now, Shuaige-in-Chief Ma Ying-jeou (馬英九) is in the craphouse.

  His public approval ratings have dived faster than a China Airlines flight, plunging from a high of 70 percent in March to 47 percent in August to a miserable 25 percent this month, according to a Global Views magazine poll.

  His team of intellectual heavyweights has turned out to be political flyweights. They couldn’t manage their way out of a diaper crisis, let alone a health scare like the recent “Got melamine?” scandal involving tainted Chinese products.

  And where is Ma himself?

  Busy pondering the great works of Chinese philosophy — and gelling up his ’do.

  As the global economy unravels like an old sweater caught on a nail, the guy who promised us 6 percent GDP growth, US$30,000 per capita income and 3 percent unemployment has adopted a creepy Alfred E. Neuman “What, me worry?” tight-lipped grin.

  Which is probably for the best, since when he does open his mouth it seems to have a knack for attracting his foot.

  Previously, he had told the Mexican media (strange choice of communications vehicle, by the way, but whatever) that Taiwan and China were two “regions” enjoying “special relations.”

  Hmm … this reminds me of a night or two at the lameidian in my more vigorous days, when I used to tell the assembled xiaojie that my gal Cathy Pacific and I enjoyed “special partner-to-partner relations” that allowed for the occasional walk on the wild side (mum’s the word if you run into Cathy, dear reader).

  Now, he goes and tells the Japanese media that China is part of Taiwan. According to our own rag, Ma said that the Republic of China (or “Taiwan,” for confused, drug-addled, and/or hung-over readers) “definitely is an independent sovereign state, and mainland China is also part of the territory of the ROC.”

  That’s right. Forget the wirespeak about “China sees Taiwan as a renegade province.”

  Now, we can go one better: “Taiwan sees China as 22 renegade provinces” — or if there’s more line space, “Taiwan sees China as a really huge renegade place that will come back to the fold, darnit, if we just shut our eyes, click our patent leather shoe heels thrice and say ‘Democracy, democracy, democracy.’”

  Of course, in Ma’s worldview — minted circa 1949 by a bunch of homesick Chinese Nationalist Party (KMT) waishengren — we can’t leave out Mongolia, either. Boy, those wire copy writers are going to have a tough time with this one.

  Try this, chaps:

  “Taiwan sees democratic Mongolia and self-governed China as part of its territory awaiting reunification, by Taoist wizardry if necessary.”

  What, me exaggerate?

  Technically, it’s true — if you take a gander at the Republic of China Constitution. Yes, that Constitution: the one whose revision, according to Beijing’s Alice-in-Wonderland thinking, would be tantamount to a declaration of independence.

  Personally, I think the Mongolians might appreciate it if we stopped lumping them in with the Chicoms as part of Taiwan. But when did their opinion count for anything?

  Either way, this is where Ma’s by-the-book “I’m a dutiful little KMT breedling” approach creeps past absurdity and into dangerous self-delusion.

  It’s like he’s taking his directions from a time capsule buried under the Presidential Office by a gasping Chiang Ching-kuo (蔣經國) in 1988.

  How very retro. But how very unhelpful for taking Taiwan confidently into the rest of the 21st century.

  The only thing saving Ma from single-digit approval ratings is former president Chen Shui-bian (陳水扁). The alleged money-launderer’s traveling circus act gains new momentum every day with new revelations, only some of which have been fed to the press by prosecutor office spokesmen.

  Chen’s now calling in chits from all the deep greens he’s helped get elected over the years while staging pathetic rallies (coming to a parking lot near you) to rant against the Man (that’d be Ma) and whine about legal persecution. As my American friends say, gimme a break.

  Meanwhile, dear leader Ma stepped down briefly from his ivory tower yesterday to bestow his blessings on the people on the occasion of the birthday of our … er, region … um, area [cough] … our great Republic of China, especially the free area of Taiwan, Penghu, Kinmen and Matsu where all the good stuff is ... oh, screw it, wansui!

  “We will conquer the obstacles and head to prosperity if we have firm confidence,” Ma intoned.

  A plea for confidence from Taiwan’s top confidence man. That’s not likely to be much help when the island’s economy is being pulled under by the Yanks’ financial crisis like a patched-up rubber dinghy tied to the Titanic.

  But at least there was one happy note this week.

  The Bush administration finally got off its tuckus and approved a package of weapons for Taiwan, after a darned annoying delay.

  As reported by everybody and their mother, the package includes Apache attack helicopters and more advanced Patriot missile defense batteries.

  The government had better hurry up and get those items delivered by FedEx, because if Ma gets any more unpopular, he may have to deploy those Patriots to defend himself against the voters.

  Got something to tell Johnny? Go on, get it off your chest. Write to dearjohnny@taipeitimes.com, but be sure to put “Dear Johnny” in the subject line or he’ll mark your bouquets and brickbats as spam.
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