Sat, Jul 26, 2008 page8

• Johnny Neihu's Mailbag

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  The Pyongyang Candidate

  Dear Johnny,

  There was a story in the Taipei Times (“Tourism services must improve: Liu,” June 22, page 3) that included this: “[KMT Central Standing Committee member] Sean Lien (連勝文) … said that the facilities at Taipei’s Songshan Airport were even worse than those at North Korea’s Pyongyang Airport.”

  This of course just begs the question: How the hell does Sean Lien know what Pyongyang’s airport looks like? I am sure you could make a few inquiries. This is something the public deserves to know.

  David Reid

  Sindian, Taipei County

  Johnny replies: Good question, David, even if it was begged.

  I wasn’t aware that the son of Chinese Nationalist Party (KMT) honorary Chicom conduit Lien Chan (連戰) was so well traveled. Then again, who knows exactly what the Heir Apparent got up to in the time that every other young man of his generation was performing military service?

  There is a more sinister theory of how he would be familiar with the inner workings of Pyongyang’s transport window to the world.

  People of ill repute with whom I am familiar suggest that the Great Blue Hope for the post-Ma Ying-jeou (馬英九) years is the love child of Dear Leader Kim Jung-il.

  This may sound ridiculous. Young Lien looks nothing like Kim — until you consider that he looks even less like Lien Chan.

  If all this scuttlebutt is true, Lien Jr would be the latest in a long of line of KMT sons-of-strongmen whose DNA was sourced from outside the family line. All in a good cause this time, of course: restoration of the KMT party-state before the Taiwanese electorate expels the KMT from the legislature.

  My only concern for Lien the Lesser is that he might be suffering from an obsession with platform shoes.

  Burn Chunghwa cellphones

  Dear Johnny,

  My father-in-law works at the local telcom. He’s been there for years, long enough to take afternoons “off” while on the clock, but what I really love is every year he comes home and tells us what we have to buy.

  Last year all employees were given 10 mobile numbers to sell.

  But since everyone already has a phone — apparently the penetration rate of mobile phones in Taiwan is more than 104 percent — no one needed any of the numbers.

  So, in order to fill his “quota” he had to pay for all the numbers out of his own pocket.

  What’s with this? Is it standard practice for companies here to increase their bottom line while saving on salary outlays as well?

  This practice is pushed throughout the Chunghwa “empire” and therefore must affect thousands of employees and their families.

  I find this type of corporate policy pretty objectionable, as well as the fact that no one here ever stands up to it, or to anything else.

  A set of LP on the Taiwanese collective might help things improve.

  Mike in Kaohsiung

  Johnny replies: Yes, I’m afraid that this kind of coercive treatment is not unusual in corporate Taiwan, Mike. It crosses both sides of the political spectrum, too, judging from my own industry.

  Lately Democratic Progressive Party (DPP) Chairwoman Tsai Ing-wen (蔡英文) said her party would be turning in the direction of a welfare state.

  I have to scoff; if the DPP instead encouraged the formation of labor unions that defended workers from predatory bosses who cut into their entitlements, impose illegal obligations then flee the country on a gazillion dollars’ bail, then the party wouldn’t need to flog a nanny state. The savings for families would be enough to fund a pension.

  But that’ll never happen. Why? Because (1) the unions that exist are largely KMT lapdogs, and (2) the DPP hates the idea of unions that it can’t control.

  Instead, expect to hear more bleating about how the Council of Labor Affairs needs to increase vigilance on worker mistreatment and the like. That is, the state, not your peers, must act as activist. Neo-Confucian crap, I say.

  So I’m afraid your father-in-law will be trying to unload 10 mobile phone numbers every year for years to come, and probably even more as the market contracts.

  Do yourself a favor, buddy. Take the battery out of your mobile phone and send it to the phone company for recycling, then incinerate what’s left. You can’t buy a number if you haven’t got a phone.
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