A Taiwanese menage a trois
Dear Johnny,
As a keen observer of world politics and as a news junkie temporarily domiciled in Taiwan, I have no choice but to read your refreshing columns. I take it you are a lone liberal voice in this vast concrete jungle of a heavily industrialized island that has no name.
It is comforting to learn that the island does have a small village as a provincial capital and that the principalities of Taipei and Kaohsiung (or whatever Romanized spelling turns you on) are affiliated with the KMT provinces of Mongolia and Tibet. I suppose it is currently difficult for the KMT to grant independence to Tibet because of delicate negotiations with its erstwhile enemies. One would have thought that the DPP and your ilk would have some sympathy for the Chicoms, if only because they also used to be enemies of the KMT.
Let’s even assume that unadulterated communism and socialism offer more hope than the US cowboy capitalism practiced with such verve here on this island without a name — well, shouldn’t the DPP look left and start negotiating for comradely independence with the last of the true-red Chicoms (most of whom have already turned true blue)? Could it be that you are allowed to be a liberal voice just because you’re down on the Chicoms? Could it be that your professed love for “your” country without a name — let’s call it Taiwan nevertheless — is your ticket to practice journalism?
I don’t think you fall into the category of the scoundrel whose last refuge is patriotism, but I do get the impression that you are — unwittingly — part of the media machine that manufactures consent (ala Hermann and Chomsky). The facade of a liberal democracy must be upheld by jokers like you and me, just as we descend into a neo-feudalism that allows us at best to be fools on the hill, hobnobbing with the rich and famous, eager to prick their non-existent social conscience with our voodoo needles, to make them smirk with satisfaction as they read their names in your news column, following the US show-business mantra of “bad publicity is better than no publicity.”
For the sake of our sanity and our jobs let’s just hope that Falun Gong turns into a major political party that — after the much-anticipated fall of the Chicoms — will win the elections and appoint the Dalai Lama as president of One China, including Tibet and Taiwan. I’m not so sure about the Mongolians though.
I think you’ll have a wonderful time being incarcerated in Lhasa for insulting the king of Thailand. You will be joined by a former president, Mr Ma Ying-jeou (馬英九), who will correctly apply his dictum of “power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely” and send himself into spiritual exile, reading Maoist texts sent to him by the government in Nepal. Ultimately both of you will be rescued by Indiana Jones, as at least one of you holds a green card. I think you’ll make a great press secretary for President Obama and his wife Hillary.
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
PS: You do know that Bill Clinton got divorced after being seen playing the saxophone under Michelle Obama’s window. A real swinger, no?
PPS: As a highly respected academic at a highly respected university in Taoyuan, I do hope you’ll offer me a regular column in line with other laptop professors who desperately want to become president (of the university) and then minister of education. Funny how academia, commerce and politics engage in this sultry Taiwanese version of a menage a trios, eh? Hot stuff for an investigative journalist like yourself!
Johnny replies: Thanks for the rant, Wolfgang. You’ve helped me confirm that the air in Taoyuan is even worse than in Neihu. Especially with that gag about yours truly unwittingly manufacturing consent. Chomsky ... hah! I eat Chomskys for breakfast.
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